I’ve lived with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder for as long as I can remember. From being raped/molested repeatedly as a toddler and elementary school student and the accident when I saved my friend’s life, my entire life is filled with fight or flight scenarios. A sense of panic rushes over me the moment I open my eyes each morning. It’s soon met by the dread of having to walk through life riding a constantly rising and falling wave of crazed panic that will find me sweating bullets or lookiung for a bathroom before I shit my pants. Whenever the panic finds me I begin telling myself “Something wonderful is going to happen.” Sometimes I win and sometimes the voices in my head win by turning me into an agoraphobic mess. Those are the days when saving my friend’s life covers me in shame. That’s why it’s so important for me to invite positive energy into my life, and to forgive myself for not being crippled by my PTSD. Forgiveness is when the healing begins and allows me to move forward emotionally. I’ve fallen more times than I can count in life, but every time I rise I reach a new level of awareness, learn something new about myself, the PTSD, my agoraphobia and become better at fighting them. Something wonderful is going to happen. It might not happen right away, but persistence and patience and forgiveness have always helped me battle the internal demons of my PTSD, so it doesn’t run my life.

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