Books About Revenge

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Revenge is fun, right? They do it in books and on TV shows and in movies and comic books: an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth and revenge is best served cold. There are plenty of justifications for revenge, and I’ve used all of them; but, mainly there wasn’t a good enough reason to forgive my friend who sued me after I almost died saving her life. Suing me was such a betrayal of our friendship. Good people don’t sue other people, do they? They do, but not in my world. Saving her life tore my life apart, left me with permanent brain damage and took away any hope of ever having a normal life because for the rest of my life I’m going to feel like I’m losing my mind simply because I reached out to stop her from falling off a balcony. In between moments of sanity and insanity and managing a meritless lawsuit and struggling to rebuild myself, I lived and breathe revenge. I wanted it so badly I dreamed of killing my friend with my bare hands. But, here’s the deal, wanting revenge was me holding on to negativity and negativity isn’t a good look for anyone, let alone me. Wanting revenge is refusing to learn the lesson standing before me. Revenge is a decision I made to never grow or learn how to trust again. It’s wrapped up in ego and pride and all it did was prevent my emotional growth and from embracing my true self. My heart, our hearts, are not meant to hold on to negativity. When I forgave myself for wanting revenge and for being lost and not knowing how to survive any of the obstacles life had thrown at me, I made an agreement with myself that I was ready to release the negativity and move beyond it.

Revenge blinded me from what I needed to see. I sat with the negativity for too long. It’s important to own feelings and embrace them, but revenge stayed with me for far longer than it should have; and, when I forgave myself for being human, for never having been to this rodeo before and being lost, it freed me.

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Wanting revenge only kept me marinating in negativity. When I found forgiveness I had no need for revenge. I let the rage and all the negativity go and freed myself. Of course it took a lot of work and I had to check my ego, but losing my ego only pushed me faster and further along my journey.