is fun, right? They do it in books and on TV shows and in movies and
comic books: an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth and revenge is best
served cold. There are plenty of justifications for revenge, and I’ve used all
of them; but, mainly there wasn’t a good enough reason to forgive my friend who
sued me after I almost died saving her life. Suing me was such a betrayal of our
friendship. Good people don’t sue other people, do they? They do,
but not in my world. Saving her life tore my life apart, left me with
permanent brain damage and took away any hope of ever having a normal life
because for the rest of my life I’m going to feel like I’m losing my mind
simply because I reached out to stop her from falling off a balcony. In between
moments of sanity and insanity and managing a meritless lawsuit and struggling
to rebuild myself, I lived and breathe revenge. I wanted it so badly I dreamed
of killing my friend with my bare hands. But, here’s the deal, wanting revenge
was me holding on to negativity and negativity isn’t a good look for anyone,
let alone me. Wanting revenge is refusing to learn the lesson standing before
me. Revenge is a decision I made to never grow or learn how to trust again.
It’s wrapped up in ego and pride and all it did was prevent my emotional growth
and from embracing my true self. My heart, our hearts, are not meant to hold on
to negativity. When I forgave myself for wanting revenge and for being lost and
not knowing how to survive any of the obstacles life had thrown at me, I made
an agreement with myself that I was ready to release the negativity and move
Revenge blinded me from what I needed to see. I sat with the negativity for too
long. It’s important to own feelings and embrace them, but revenge stayed with
me for far longer than it should have; and, when I forgave myself for being
human, for never having been to this rodeo before and being lost, it freed me.
Free yourself from wanting revenge! Forgive yourself for holding onto negativity!
Read Kenyon Oster’s powerful memoir!